If we were having coffee, I’d wait until the strong aroma of the brew filled the room. I’d tell you that I don’t think my story, matters. I’ve been working on something, something for one of the bigger websites – because when I started writing the article, I thought that this space here does not have a big enough audience. It like me does not really matter.
As I have been reading others stories on the subject – I was thinking who am I to put my voice out there on this issue? Would it really be beneficial to the whole? The cobwebs of self-doubt are rampant in my mind. Perhaps I’m trying to make too many points with one post.
Would you read an article that starts with, “When I was five my father put a gun in my hands”?
Perhaps I’m just too fatigued to think about all the horrific gun-related violence of late. Too tired to form coherent thoughts on the topic. Any emotional rollercoaster is draining. Prenatal depression is no different. I guess the Sinus infection isn’t really helping things along either.
So, I’ve chosen sleep whenever I saw the chance. I spent yesterday organizing my cupboard. I made lists for the things I still need to buy before my due date. Things I’ll need for a few days stay at the hospital. Things my little guy will need for his first few days with me there. The due date is still a few months off, but I’m an organizer. I like to plan. The only thing that is allowed to be an organized chaos is my desk.
And since I seem to like lists so much, here is a list of things I’m grateful for.
I’m thankful for gratitude. Counting little things that bring me joy, comfort and stability have been a huge help in getting through the difficult moments. They’ve helped me sleep better and cry less.
I’m grateful for all the things I don’t have to buy for the arrival of the new member to my family. It is hugely helpful that most of the things we will need are things we already have.
I’m thankful for Rooibos tea. I’ve been drinking a lot of the stuff. Here’s an entire post on why the stuff is so good.
I’m grateful for homemade stuff. Like: Homemade Ham. Homemade Marmalade. Home knitted socks. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually make all these things myself. Some people like to cook. Some people like to knit. I like to write.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to give.
I’m thankful for warm things. Blankets. Jackets. Socks.
I’m grateful for electricity.
I’m thankful for running water.
(When you live in an area, where these basic things are short in supply – you learn to be thankful for them.)
I’m grateful for things to eat. Bread. Soup. More Bread. Cheese.
And as always I’m thankful for coffee. These little chats give me something to ramble on about, even if there is not much else to ramble on about.
This has been a blog link up with #WeekendCoffeeShare & #10Thankful .
About the Author
Sarina often sat on the peaks of the dunes of Southern Africa watching the ocean tide drift in. A daydreamer, often dreaming up stories for lands somewhere over the rainbow. She is a mother, a wife, a blogger and an overall creative spirit. Above all, she is a human being.
Find her here:
Shining Seeds 
Well said. Some like to cook. Some like to knit. Some write. You do that very well. You showed exactly why gratitude is so vital. Truly all things to be thankful for. Good luck with preparing for your new arrival.
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Thank you.
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I like you list greatful things. My brothers and us girls were raised without guns. I almost don’t watch the news as there are horrors with the newscasts.
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the news is indeed depressing. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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I have lots of moments of doubt about writing and blogging and why I’m doing the things I’m doing. But when I’m honest with myself, I’m doing them because I can’t *not* do them–that would make me unhappy. And sometimes I get the honesty of a stranger, or an internet friend maybe, and they remind me why I keep writing.
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I guess we all have these moments. Writing is also something that makes me happy so I keep on scribbling away. 🙂
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Self-doubt gets us all. I have been trying to write posts about all that is happening and it is hard. I’ve broken it down a bit, but the subject is so huge. I don’t know if it matters or not what i write about, but then I think that humans can despair in the darkness of night or look at the stars in wonder and hope. Perhaps my little statements can be like one of those stars, in itself insignificant, but taken together with what others are writing part of a beautiful whole. Kind of like your shining seeds idea 🙂 I can’t tell you if your story matters or not, but I can say that putting more stars out there for us to ponder during this dark violent night is important. Shine on.
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Thank you for such a beautiful comment. 🙂
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🙂
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There’s something about listing your items of gratitude that refocuses you in times that are stressful and full of self doubt. Write on, Sarina, and your voice matters.
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thank you. 🙂
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It has been so hot—105 yesterday—that I have been thinking lots how important both electricity and water are to provide relief and comfort. When all the excess is scraped away, it really is the most basic things that matter.
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Glad you’re getting prepared for the arrival of your little one. Hopefully that will save stress and headaches later. GOOD FOR YOU for taking sleep whenever you can! Best idea of all. And keep looking after yourself as best you can. I’m glad gratitude is helping you through your lower moments *hugs*
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(hugs)
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